Dear Body,
I’m so sorry I don’t feel comfortable in you. You were a stranger for 9 months, doing good work mind you, but still an unpredictable stranger. And now clothes don’t fit you, you move differently, you look different and you feel slow and heavy and weak.
I feel guilty for not loving you right now because I know the changes in you are a natural function of having had a child. Sometimes it’s like there’s a war going on between me, my mind and my body, a weird fucked up 3 way war. I really hope that we learn to work together and love each other again soon. The diplomats and jiggly bikini girls should help break the ice so that we can loosen up and find a middle ground.
I hope you don’t mind my current obsession with lifting weights. I am making you work hard, but it’s kind of fun isn’t it? You seem happier when you’re strong and I know I am. All the work we have been doing is totally paying off since you have been feeling so much stronger lately.
I do want you to know that I appreciate all those practical tasks you let me perform and physical pleasures you bring me, my favorite right now is exfoliating you and then getting in bed under the cool sheets.
Kisses,
Minnie
P.S. Sorry I didn’t get you that yummy gingerbread lotion they have during christmas time around here. Next year, I promise!
P.P.S. Should I cut our hair? Dye it all blue? What do you think? It so needs a change. Love again, Minnie
P.P.P.S. On that note, what should our next tattoo be? More birds?
P.P.P.P.S. I think I’ll take you to the beach today to soak up some warm sun, get sandy and relax to the sound of waves and a baby screaming because it’s eating sand. Again with the kisses, Minnie
For blogher A Letter to My Body.
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February 29, 2008 at 1:05 pm
The hardest part for me is the fact that having babies rearranges your bone structure!
That shifts your center of gravity, your flexibility … all of it..
Whose body is this anyway? and can I have mine back? no? sigh. okay, I’ll learn to use this one properly instead.
Yoga is helping.
March 1, 2008 at 5:19 pm
hey minnie, thanks for the thoughtful note. You’re probably going to have this type of relationship with me til we kick it, so as long as you keep the lines of communication open like you have been, we should be A-OK. I’m ok with you being angry with me – I know lots of people who hate their bodies to the point of really hurting them.
Yours is a good hurt.