Spiderman, Jet Cat, Papa Smurf and Benjamin Bunny walk into a bar…
I hate parenting magazines. Every single woman depicted in a parenting magazine is over 5’8″ and weighs about 120 lbs. As all 5’1″ of me was sitting in my paper gown in the coochie doctors office the other day I accidentally picked up a parenting magazine and ever since have been in a shame spiral. I swear to god the first thing I looked at was an article about potty training in which they told me that if you kid isn’t potty trained by 3 you are fucked and you kid will wet his pants until he is 6. That’s so awesome! The next article told me that I was short and fat. Thanks!
So now I’m more stressed about potty training. Although apparently not stressed enough to actually ever make my kid sit on the potty. I have no idea what my problem is. He did apparently poop on the potty at daycare the other day. um, yay?
Then, I bought my kid a spiderman book (age range labeled as 4-6). He picked it out at Borders. Now I highly regret it. Not only is it boring and violent but every picture includes a HUGE CROTCH BULGE. Why?
I have failed at being a hippy parent. This was entirely clear at my hippy parent meeting this week. My kid watches media, plays good guys bad guys and his play is filled with conflict and violence. But, I ask you? How many times can the squirrel and the badger go out for fucking ice cream? Doesn’t there have to be the occasional helicopter crash and crocigator attack?
Did you know that Waldorf schools don’t have books? It stifles the imagination.
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July 9, 2010 at 2:25 pm
I think the more fanatic Waldorf schools don’t allow any sort of mechanical device above the level of a button because they send out brain-destroying vibrations or invoke the demon Ahriman. There seem to be totally harmless Waldorks, and then the more culty ones! See http://www.waldorfcritics.org/active/FAQ.html for some awesome things to google (Or just google Ahriman + Waldorf, or “anthrosophy” for a good laugh.)
July 9, 2010 at 2:26 pm
p.s. am joking about the buttons. I think it really has to do with a deep discomfort with mediated experience. Since I’m a huge fan of media-ated-ness, imho Waldorks can suck it.
July 9, 2010 at 6:04 pm
ahh, but you rock at being a super cool parent. Hippies are so boring. Just think: no processed food. Makes me just want ice cream all the more
July 9, 2010 at 7:51 pm
Girl, please. Stop worrying about whatever the fuck everyone else thinks.
Also, don’t be afraid to potty train. It’s actually fairly easy.
July 10, 2010 at 9:33 am
sned is trying to explain this whole business to me. it’s like liz says, a minimum of mediated story-telling until a certain point. and how they learn to write stories before they learn to read. i don’t think i would have done well in a waldorf school. i was taking other students to the library to read books to them when i was in kindergarten. plus, i don’t like pastels.
July 10, 2010 at 1:44 pm
What?! No books?! Stifled imagination, but what about having to imagine what the story looks like? Without books, I’d have been stifled by all the tv watching – my parents were definitely not hippy parents.
And I think you’re doing a rock star job! Are you at the ranch?!
July 10, 2010 at 6:04 pm
If it makes you feel any better, LM wasn’t potty trained until 4 – and we started trying when he was 2. I was told repeatedly that he would do it when he was ready, when it was his decision – and seriously, that was the case! Oh mind you there were memorable times, like when he pooped on the bottom shelf of his bookcase after we made him sit on the potty for 20 minutes. Don’t worry, it will happen and you won’t be effed because of it.
I also learned that boys will be boys no matter what. I didn’t let my kid watch any remotely violent cartoons or buy any gun shaped toys, including water guns. He still learned to use different toys as weapons in pretend play.
I know some kids who are in Waldorf schools – big ole waste of money in my opinion.
July 12, 2010 at 7:26 pm
No BOOKS? NO books?
Also, I got in a huge fret because my mom said my brother and I were both fully potty-trained DAY AND NIGHT by age 2, and my firstborn was 3 and would sit on the potty willingly but NOTHING WOULD EVER HAPPEN EVEN IF WE SAT THERE FOR OVER AN HOUR, and anyway, the pediatrician said that most boys BEGIN potty-training at age 3. If that’s not true I don’t want to hear about it.
July 16, 2010 at 9:38 pm
I love parenting magazines – they are the first thing I pick up in a waiting room. Why? I don’t know. I guess because everything is all so perfect and every problem is solved. Unlike in real life. It’s kind of like a fantasy novel or something. Don’t you worry about that sweet little baby!!!