And she was

Written by Minnie on February 21, 2012 Categories: about me, depression, parenting

Check it out! I have normal person hair! Although if you look at me too closely you will be able to tell the ends of my hair have a suspiciously blue tinge… I also got 2 pairs of new glasses.

2nd pair of new glasses

I have been letting jack watch too much TV lately. My ability to cope with him has been stretched thin. It’s mostly just a problem of introvert vs. extrovert. He wants to be talking and interacting with me and touching me ALL DAY. I just can’t. Just especially the last few months I’ve been having a terrible time, my brain is malfunctioning.

Aside from your standard variety of depression suddenly descending on me I’ve also been like, confused, or something. my brain is just very very foggy and jumbled and it gets worse if there is a lot of noise happening or too much going on.

He’s very loud and his particular sort of play is not my idea of fun at all. He does not quietly build worlds and then populate them with animals and think stories about them in his head. No. He must have two armies with many kings and queens and princesses all engaging in furious battle. He is one army and I have to be the other. I can sustain that for about 5 minutes before I start to internally freak out. Plus his story lines are totally not sophisticated. :P

muddy hands

I do get to nicely read to him. We did Norse myths and now we are doing Greek myths and also Little House in the Big Woods. We started Wind in the Willows but I was reading it from my phone and that kind of sucks so I decided to wait until I can find my actual book version. He will also play legos by himself fairly quietly for a decent amount of time. so yeah, he’s been watching stuff on Netflix while I cower in my room.

It helps if we are out of the house. With my slightly upped Wellbutrin my energy levels have improved, so that’s something. At least I can manage to get us out of the house. Today I am going to take him to see the tall ships that are in the Port of Oakland right now.

I’m still hoping to find my little green point and shoot camera. It HAS to be this house somewhere. FUCK! Until then I am going to start using Vim’s camera more.

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8 Comments

8 Comments

  • Swistle says:

    Oh, how interesting to see your hair like that! What do you think of it? It’s a very nice color/style on you. Does it feel too ordinary, after all the others? or does it feel totally non-ordinary, because it’s such a shock after all the others?

    I am feeling similarly about Henry. He wants to chop monsters, have fierce battles, and run around yelling. I would like to sit side by side in comfy chairs, each reading our own books.

  • Charity says:

    Your hair is fabulous.

    I know you’re struggling and I’m sending you lots of good vibes. The good news? Eventually, he’ll stop being all up your ass constantly, because eventually you’ll stop hovering and have to let him go about his business and play with neighborhood kids out and about. He’s at that age now where he’s a bit too young to be left to do that sort of thing– but the age will soon come. And then, the sweet gloriousness that is when he steps out to go play and you find yourself with 4 hours to yourself.

  • CitricSugar says:

    I love your hair and new glasses. The shot itself is interesting too. The look on your face is… literary? I’ll have to find a better word….

  • Mom says:

    I love your hair. All those soft curls around your face!! You need to update with a pic of the lego shelves – they are great.

  • Minnie says:

    thank you all! Swistle, my hair feels ordinary again. I do tend towards weird hair but really the bulk of the time my hair is just blonde and shoulder length in a pretty normal way. i also try to get jack to read with me side by side. it doesn’t work but i CAN get himt o watch Xena warrior princess pretty quietly with me and I’ll take what i can get…

    Charity – i fear i live in an area where people don’t let their kids out to play. there are no kids OUT. playing or otherwise. it’s kind of urban here? perceived crime? we live on a busy street? I’m not totally sure why. it surely sucks for them though.

  • Angelina says:

    Max has never been able to sustain quiet self entertainment that didn’t involve a screen of some kind. Up until he was six or seven I played Legos and Bionicles with him and acted out all kinds of battles and I did my best not to show him how playing those games made a great scream of both panic and tedium well up in my chest. Then I just cut him off. I told him this was the kind of play he needed to do with friends or by himself. I started explaining what kind of things mom and Max can do together and what kinds of things he needs to do with friends or by himself. I actually wrote up and printed out the list and put it in a binder. It was very useful in making that transition.

    But the truth is I work online, I write online, and then I watch shows to relax and my kid is doing the same thing. It’s very hard to raise a kid one way when you’re showing him that you spend most of your day online. I have mostly stopped feeling guilty that he is just like me and his dad.

  • Angelina says:

    Also – I love your hair!

  • Minnie says:

    so what you are saying here is that i am DOOMED until 6 or 7. ohmagawd. I can not wait for kindergarten. but i must.

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