My new favorite word is ‘amazeballs’. I mean, I won’t ever say it out loud but I might think it. And if I see it in print I will totally laugh and it might give me a warm glow and a fleeting thought about the fantastic fluidity of language and if I hear some one say it out loud that person will be my fucking HERO.
AMAZEBALLS, Y’ALL. SRSLY.
So, my child has come up with the ultimate weapon – a gun that shoots knives. Totally brilliant, right? He likes to bust that one out as we walk to school holding hands in the sunshine with all our neighbors standing in front of their houses smiling at us. Smiles that are wiped clean once they realize they are being impaled by knives shot from a gun. anyway.
I wish i had a picture of my cell phone as it was two weeks ago. it was a sad sad thing. Not only was the screen cracked and actually shedding glass dust all over the place as it slowly crumbled into oblivion but the only app that worked on it was kindle, everything else including the camera caused the phone to crash. Why have an iPhone if it is going to suck so badly? My whimpering finally got so loud that Vim was forced to do something about it. He ordered a new screen from Apple for 4$ and then he told me something that would change my life forever.
You have to CLOSE YOUR APPS. Basically every app I ever opened on my phones WAS STILL OPEN. That’s at least two years worth of apps open. What the?!?!??!
After closing 62 apps my phone now runs perfectly including the camera. End of Story.
Did you know that there were 13 Pollyanna books? 13. how? what? I can’t even… whaaaaa?!?!?! I swear I thought there were only 3, the last one being Pollyanna and the Family Jewels. Can’t top that.
I might post some garden updates in a bit.
I’m outie.
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Yeah, the closing apps thing. My mum didn’t have that one and she had almost every single one open when I taught her that one – her phone was running so slowly she was threatening to throw it out – so when dad got an iPad, it was on the list of the very first things I passed on to him.
I’m still learning new stuff daily. My friend Trish taught me how to delete multiple photos at the same time and blew my mind. It was my boss who told me how to lock the screen orientation so that I could read sideways without the book being perpendicular to my head…
Alternate title: Pollyanna and the Amazeballs! Game
Pollyanna would have been a lot more relatable if she as been like, “yo Granny Smith, what’s up?! This calf’s foot jelly I canned is totes AMAZEBALLS.”
hell yeah.
Love your blog, LOVE it…I have been reading your posts for a while…laughed so hard about the gun that shoots knives..I have a five year old son and can so picture this scene happening in my neighborhood..thanks for the laughs
I’m so glad you are posting again. I missed you.
My husband just taught me about the closing the app thing. Isn’t that wonderful! they should include that one on the box don’t cha think? I keep seeing all these things on pinterest about what you didn’t know your iphone/ipod could do… But I have yet to click on one… maybe I should. I’d probably learn alot
Love your story about the ultimate weapon. My boys would love that.