yeah, 7 of 9 was a bid to add some sexy so that idiotic 20 year old misogynist male fans would stop bitching about every.single.thing about Janeway. Sad. I know. but 7 of 9 WAS sexy AND awesome so I thought it was a win win. The main annoying horrible characters on Voyager were Chakotay and horndog white guy Paris. Janeway was a pretty kickass Captain. I’m only like 6 episodes in so I cant remember exactly what happens later but i remember feeling a little annoyed later on with her because she started like, gazing up at Chakotay too much.

Anyway, can you imagine Kirk in Janeway’s situation? Hell no, there is no way he would have been smart enough in that first episode to realize that the only way to work it was to integrate the two crews. I mean, i guess it was pretty fortunate that the original first officer was killed but whatever! Harry Kim was fucking hot, the Doctor was awesome, Torres was pretty good, I hated Kes and Neelix was annoying but worked as a comedic foil to Tuvok.

After the complexity of Deep Space Nine Voyager was a tad disappointing but since it was sort of just a return to the TNG model it wasn’t a particular shock.

Any other trekkies out there? Which was your favorite incarnation of the Trekkie ‘Verse?

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1. I continue to be upset about the gender balance of children’s toys and books. Lego mini figures for example. I’m upset about them. Why are there only 4 lady lego figures in the series 5 mini-figure packs? why do they all have red lips and boobs? The male mini figures don’t all have huge crotch bulges. the male figures are mostly just blank slates that could be either male or female if there weren’t these stupid boobed red lipped figures. so what fucking gives Lego and Play Mobile? I want to love you but I can’t.

Pink leotard boombox headband lady figure? RLY? PULEEESE fuck offfffff.

2. Flatware. We have, for some reason, only like 3 butter knives. I don’t know where all our knives went but I didn’t like them or the rest of our crappy flatware anyway. why is all modern flatware so HUGE? Every time I have to pick up a fork that is bigger than my arm I am pissed about it. I need to buy some vintage flatware but I am afraid Vim is going to kick and scream about it. I kind of want this mid century modern Interpur set or this Florenz flower Interpur set, or this Mexicaly Rose Interpur set. .

3. There’s another thing I am so unreasonably upset about that I don’t want to blog about for fear of exposing myself as even more of an asshole. It’s something that SHOULD be really awesome but that I fear is actual fucking stupid due to annoying fuckery. I want to complain about it SO BAD(ly) but I will show uncharacteristic restraint, for now anyway.

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I’m just bitter because I feel like a failure no matter what I do.

I sort of attempted to have a crafty business. My etsy shop was going strong for a while and i did well at craft shows but I wasn’t organized enough to keep it going and i couldn’t deal with shit like taxes.

The craft conference thing was too much work and we all burned out. We didn’t get paid enough and while people enjoyed it and it was a worthy cause no one wanted to pay for it and now Etsy has swooped in with it’s free events and lectures and conferences and shit. So much for small business…

School is kicking my ass because I don’t know why. Is it all in my head? Am I stressing about homework too much? no and yes. it’s total snowflake community college in which we aren’t even forced to actually KNOW anything. Besides which I have no idea where this is going. If it ends up meaning i have to have my own business than the whole idea is clearly pointless. I could go to Berkeley Extension for Landscape Architecture but that is expensive and what if it was ultimately pointless and the second i got my degree I discovered that actually i really need to go back to school for underwater basketweaving because that is my true true true calling? plus, when I told vim my secret hearts yearning five year plan he looked at me like I was an idiot and suggested that I learn a new programming language.

I DO want to learn a new language but when exactly will I have time to do that? I need to write a new form and back end voting system, I have about 6 months to do it. It’s on my list.

I am feeling extra sensitive. One of my friends told me that my “personality isn’t for everyone”. which…I don’t know. isn’t that true of EVERYONE’S personality? why point it out to me? wtf? also, why is this careless comment still rankling me?

I have a bunch of emails and phone calls that need to be made. This stresses me out unbelievably and I would rather burn myself with a cigarette than even think about it.

Also, I am having to fill out forms for kindergarten applications and it is making me nervous and avoidant. is that a word? it should be.

My period is making me insane lately. Like really, actually insane and freaking out crazy. so sorry if that personality trait isn’t for you. If you need to talk about how much my personality sucks please discuss it in a time wasting detail with someone else.

anyway, my kid is alive and fed and wearing clothing so I count that as at least one success AND I made him a really cute CRAFTY halloween costume and I will bog about it in excruciating self hating detail soon.

P.S. Happy Monday!!!!

P.P.S. Here is a picture of a crocigator beating the shit out of a unicorn.

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Here’s how it goes:
disgusting grown up bitch gets in my sons face and says, “HI HOW ARE YOU?!?!?” or some shit (news flash bitch, you are gross and fucking uninteresting to me and my 4 yr old so FUCK OFF)

OR

some kid with a stupid disgusting grown up bitch says something to my kid.

Second act. Jack doesn’t say anything. Why? i don’t know. He fucking doesn’t want to. What’s it to you?

Oh? you say it’s amateur psych101-bully-ignorant fuck-extroverts only-sterotyper night? Well duh. That’s why this happens:

stupid grown up bitch says, “OH! HE’s SSSHHHYYYYYYYY.”

How about you fuck off? Why why why do people think this is an okay thing to say? WHY?

next time here’s what I’ll do:

I’ll bend down and in my most heinous grown up smarm voice i’ll say, “jack, sometimes grown ups are very rude. it’s okay to ignore them and walk away.”

OR

I could look said bitch straight in they eye and say,
“wow. that was rude”
OR
“he isn’t shy, he’s deaf. so mind your own business and quit assuming shit about people”
OR
“don’t make assumptions about my child’s personality out loud in front of him or else I’ll have to make the assumption that you are horribly rude AND don’t think before you speak AND don’t consider kids people worth a little dignity and privacy… BITCH”

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Why why do I lag and mope around about all the little boring things that have to happen to make life go smoothly? it’s so easy to just DO THEM on auto pilot and then they are done and one can get on with life instead of being pissed all the time that there is shit on the kitchen counter again and I JUST CLEANED IT and WHY IS THERE LITTLE BOY UNDERPANTS ALL OVER THE EFFING PLACE again and omg I am just going to pretend I am blind and that the kitchen table chairs are not inverted on top of the table for the third day running.

When Moomin was little Liz told me her trick to get him to do shit was to pretend he was a robot and she would talk to him in a robot voice and it totally worked. It works for Jack too and so maybe it will work for me as well. I’ll try it when I get home. ROBOT. MINNIE. WILL. NOW. CLEAN. KITCHEN. START PROGRAM.

+++++++

I am so diseased right now. I have a horrible lingering sinus infection. I thought two days ago was the apex but no. It is seriously impacting my alcohol consumption. I need mai tais people!

Also, I have a weird rash around my eye. It has been there for like a month now. my dermatologist gave me some totally impossible instructions on how to deal with it. some ointment and do not EVER touch it ever with anything at all. in fact, beam that part of your body into a vacuum for two weeks exactly and then call me in the morning.

AND. Now I have a weird allergic reaction to sunscreen on my arm exactly the same as on my honeymoon here. I am gross.

++++++++++

I am back on with pintrest and am obsessing about wall paper and decorating my house. We bought our house exactly one year ago and I haven’t done a single bit of decorating. There are barely pictures on the wall. I got a card from our realtor about this house buying anniversary and he mentioned coming by to ‘see what we’ve done with the place’. um. That would be nothing on my end. Except making the garden kick ass, that counts right? I need wallpaper.

Here is my bathroom pintrest.

my wallpaper pintrest.

my kitchen pintrest.

The problem with decorating is that you have to make decisions. and once you make a decision you have to buy the stuff and DO IT. and that means that you have to live with your decision FOREVER. and what if you don’t like it? or realize right after that you like something else? I mean, I have shit tattooed on my body for fucks sake. you’d think that picking out some wallpaper for the upstairs bathroom would be LESS of a big deal than something on my body for realz forever.

I think the problem is that it’s pretty clear to me that my body is MINE to do with what I please and thank you very much. But this house is it’s own thing. I’m nervous about doing the wrong thing for it. I need to mentally take possession of this house. It loves me and trusts my judgement in wallpaper. It wants me to make it beautiful. I can totally do this.

+++++++

gratuitous hawaii pic:

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FFS,
Minnie

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Yesterday was utterly foul. I don’t even want to blog it except that I like to remember hideous moments so that other hideous moments feel slightly less so. Sunday I went and took a free capoeria class (fun but ouchy) so I was insanely sore. Monday night I stayed up til 2 studying for my Tues. test because I had been too busy, too tired or too lazy the previous week to do so. Tuesday morning I pack up ungodly amounts of shit in order to get me and jack out the door. Once at his school I realize I am getting hives in a bad way. So I am panicking and trying to drop jack off but he starts crying and wont let me go. The teacher was so super unhelpful and actually caused him to cry in the first place. I’m so freaked out and pissed that i say fuck it and drag jack off back to the car. Jack is screaming the whole way and I start crying too. I drink large quantities of benedryl when we get back tot he car.

Can i pause here to say that my practice of having liquid benedryl on me at all times has saved me much grief. It’s important to catch hives quickly before your body totally freaks out and goes into shock.

So we’re all crying and i decide to take jack to my school so that I can at least turn in the at home portion of my test. In the car I yell really loudly at jack. this works to shut him up but give him ammunition for a grievance against me that I can’t duck out of. my face is red and puffy with hives as I arrive at school. I turn in my test and everyone is very nice about how cute Jack is, etc. I go show jack all the green houses and cry some more in a very pathetic and embarrassed way. I feel very sorry for myself at this moment.

we leave and in the car I ask him if he wants to go to school now. He says yes so i go drop him off, my hives start to go down, go back to school, ace my test, come home, unpack and rest some and go get jack. PHEW. It all ended well.

If jack was a little older I would have just kept him in class with me. It’s possible that I could have done it. i had my computer and there is wireless so I could have sat him down with youtube and peppa pig. maybe, although class is from 10am to 4pm. so that’s actually too long…

I just find it very frustrating to have all this wrangling to do. I just want to effing go to class! Jack’s school is actually a ton of work for me. Or, it feels like it is anyway. It might just be that things have been very very busy since packing and moving and unpacking and starting classes. things will settle down at some point, right? Like right now. this is nice.

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So far our hole is only like 1.5 feet deep and it’s a total clusterfuck. There are tree roots as big around as Jack down there and a sawzall only goes so far.

Freaking out. Pissed that digging a hole has to be so hard. Stretched VERY VERY thin right now. Have cooking I need to get done today or it will be too late. plus a meeting at 4 and a website i was supposed to have done last sunday.

fuck.it.

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Or should I go with the possibly doomed/impossible/bad idea outdoor waldorf-esque free school that I’ve been working on organizing?

Would it be enough childcare? So far, 2 days a week has helped me get some other stuff done and it’s sure nice to have a break from my almost 3 yr old.

What’s best for Jack? Less or more being away from me? What’s best for me?

Well, I don’t know and some hideous September deadline creeping up on me isn’t making it any clearer.

I’ve been seeing some blog posts and articles in which childless women are again -

A. with the bitching about how people with kids talk about and post pictures of their kids… orly? why yes, I would like to see a bunch of fucking stupid boring pictures of you out and drunk. You look awesome! And interesting! NOT.

and B. more with the bitching about people with kids not deciding one way or another if having kids is awesome or horrible.

See the end of this article (which is referencing News Week article“>this article):

But more pressingly, I was left, as I often am by pieces on parenting, at sea. Nowadays, there is such a dichotomy at work: the hazy romanticizing of baby culture wars with the it’s-a-nightmare/I-don’t-love-my-child/I-wanted-another-sex” backlash and while one is surely designed to remedy the other, those of us who haven’t had a baby are left, ironically, with no very clear idea of the reality.

I think these people looking for answers are creating a false dichotomy. The horribleness and awesomeness of parenting are not mutually exclusive in the scheme of parenting as a whole. So the reality is, the experience of parenting is made up of good and bad things all of which, if counted up, might skew to the bad but still allow people to label parenting as a good thing or the other way around. Parenting is not a black and white issue, people!

Her Bad Mother writes a lovely post about 10 things I hate about motherhood. I thank the internets for sending me women who are thoughtful and articulate, thusly she says:

But that’s mothering – the work of motherhood – and it’s something of a different beast than is the condition of motherhood, or the experience of being mother to one’s own children. The former can be tortuous. The latter can be sublime.

This post by Temerity Jane is also really good. I like how in the comments someone is pissed and feels betrayed by themselves because they suddenly want a baby. I felt similarly. Weird, isn’t it? I’m feeling that way right now as I loathe myself for considering another kid. 3 more years of diapers? GAH! Horrible muling pink and white thing on my boob? BARF! Sleep deprivation that makes me and Vim totally insane and filled with rage and hate? UM?

Yet often when Vim and I see a tiny baby we are both like, AWWWW it’s so cute, remember how cute Jack was? And then one second later we are all like, WHA? Are we INSANE? Babies are the DEVIL.

Three years later I still morn the loss of my freedom to sleep in, go out and take stupid ass pictures of myself drunk (oh wait, come nap time and mai tai’s I’ll do just that, pls stand by), and don’t want to share my toys. I wish we had waited a bit longer so that we could have traveled together kid free (speaking of which we are going to Hawaii in two weeks with Jack and I couldn’t possibly be more excited).

Today happens to be a good enough parenting day for me. I just wasn’t ready to ready 45 Frog and Toad books this morning before my coffee, nor was I ready to go outside to play trucks and get squirted with the hose and for that my kid is now crying in his room, ” I want my dadddyyyyyy”, as though I’m the devil (no, YOU are). Really kid? Sheesh!

Should I have another baby?

good-bye child free days!

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And that’s totally true. I hate peas.

I’m clearly falling into the non stressing about food parenting camp. Our kitchen table is always a big old mess and we almost never eat together. Sometimes on weekends we do. If Jack doesn’t like what I make I make him something else and then just put it all out somewhere where he can reach it. When all else fails I hand him snack food. Carrots or crackers. I do not care if he eats his peas and I refuse to have conflicts about what he is eating.

Some things are bothering me right now. First one is that I TRIPLE booked my self today. I mean, wtf?

Second. Airport security scanners. What a load of shit. absurdly expensive, an invasion of privacy and they’re catching people with joints and shit. WOW. Congratz. you caught some total dumbasses. Hey dumbasses, next time roll that dope up into emptied cigarettes and you’re golden.

Third. The Fantastic Mr fox. I love Roald Dahl. A LOT. And I like this movie. It’s weird and witty and pretty and cute and fun.

HOWEVER.
From a feminist standbpoint it was terible, terrible, terrible.
There are two girl characters. This move fails the bechdel test with flying colors.
The wife spends the whole time cooking, cleaning, chastising mr fox, and massaging mr fox’s ego. The other girl character is a young girl fox who spends the few minutes she’s on screen in a zombie like crush state over the nephew fox. So no, look, go ahead and make as many movies as you want all about guys, for guys with all guys in them. But there is absolutely zero reason to have a few female characters there just to have no life but thinking about male characters.

Wes Anderson can go blow. If his specialty is stripping characters down to their essentials and that is supposed to include his female characters (and characters of color for that matter: see this guys other movies.) then apparently women are fuckbots, baby factories and cleaning machines.
The first 3 times we see Mrs Fox she is 1. disclosing that she is pregnant, 2. vacuuming, and 3. bustling about the kitchen.

Diablo Cody, Get in there and make the Fantastic Mrs Fox movie right now! kthnksbai

I want children (and clearly some adult children need this as well) to have strong interesting male and female characters f all colors and ages.

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I mean, it was pretty good especially after I started putting the chips on my crackers with cream cheese. But it wasn’t as orgasm inducing as all the food bloggers would like you to believe. It was kind of pleasing to take a floppy lettuce-y green and crisp it up.

Kale is supposed to be madly nutritious and low in calories so health food nuts and dieters are all over this shit. i thought, I wonder how much baking the kale reduces it’s nutritional value? Which lead me via google to this article that I thought was hilarious:
Does cooking render minerals “inorganic” or less assimilable??
ahahahaa. In the middle of the article the author loses her cool and is like these people are DUMB! Well not in so many words. But I could tell she was thinking it.

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Lets take the old vs the new aquarium areas. Now the tropical reef and california coast exhibits are amazing and fun to look at. I am entirely unhappy with the rest of it. It’s so effing loud down there that I simply cant enjoy it. You can’t hear a thing except a steady too loud roar of voices echoing around in a tiny enclosed dark place. The flow of the downstairs is confusing and it’s easy to miss stuff. The petting zoo part is total crap. It’s ugly and boring and the clear tanks are confusing. The volunteers sanding around with their thumbs up their butts are more of a hindrance than anything else. Oh, and if you have a small kid you are screwed. Small kids can’t reach or see anything. and the dirty lip of the tank is right at my kids mouth level so he always starts licking it. GROSS! Remember the old one!? It was light and nice and interesting to look at. I loved it.

Actually, the whole place must have been designed by people with no kids. The old aquarium area was so nice and peaceful and dark and there was a carpeted step that kids could get on to see all of the exhibits. Yeah, the exhibits were plain old tanks with fish in them, one after the other. but so what? That was totally fine and made perfect sense for museum goer flow. You know what they should have done is just PUT UP MORE INFO. in plain old text. GOD! What is it with museums and their unforgivable lack of signage explaining details of what you are looking at? If some people don’t want to read about what they are looking at they can SKIP reading the signs.

It is funny that I see kids tapping the signs thinking they are touch screens. hahaha.

Oh and remember the old penguin set up? Where there were bleachers so that more than 5 people could see what was going on? yeah, GONE. again, wtf?

The weird ugly ass silver globular styling of the middle areas of the aquarium are ugly. and weird. and boring and unhelpful to kids. Kids trying to see the fish are like all pathetically trying to climb up to see and just slide right off. There is one part of it with like, a lungfish and a tiny boring fake stream about 2 inches long that doesn’t do anything or have anything in it. whhhyyyyyy? I think it occasionally squirts water making kids think it might become interesting but then it doesn’t and then if you have a small kid who cant see anything anyway it sucks even more. bad.

I think that whoever design the place wanted to shunt the littlest kids off into the toddler play area. Fine, toddlers are annoying, parents of toddlers will be the first to tell you so, but a person is a person no matter how small! The toddler play area isn’t all bad. My kid loves the boat and play food. But it also gets super loud and too crowded, it’s too small and is often full and closed. And if you’re a parent you can’t bring your coffee in… FAIL.

Also, when you enter the kids area there is this weird ass fifties looking waiting room behind a wall of glass. Just sitting there. It’s not clear what its for, I’ve never seen anyone in there and the doors leading to it are locked. What is it. It creeps me out, like it’s a window in time and I might see Don Draper walk in, sit down and have a cigarette. The only bad part of that would be that the doors are locked and I would be unable to get at him.

Kids under 4 are not allowed in the planetarium. In the old museum the planetarium was my favorite part and now, me and my kid, who maybe be only 3 but still would totally like it can’t go in. He has been in the one at Chabot and he didn’t like barf or destroy it somehow with his kid germs.

Let’s talk about the bathrooms of this building, this building that cost FIFTYFIVE HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS. The bathrooms are a fucking joke. I may need to draw you a diagram. Whoever designed it has obviously never used a public bathroom. Maybe they were born without an anus. I don’t know. First off this museum is always VERY crowded. The one restroom on the main floor has… 6 stalls. SIX! I will walk you through a visit to this bathroom.

First, wait in line for like 30 minutes. The line is trailing 20 feet out the door. There is only one door so there’s the line of people waiting and then there are people attempting to exit, it’s a mad scrum. Everyone has a like 4 kids with them somehow. There is one changing table and it’s in the one disabled accessible stall. Which is fine because there is no fucking way a person in any type of wheelchair could even get in there past the milling hoards of confused people. why are they confused? Probably because they have just washed their hands and turned towards the exit to look for something to dry their hands with. Nothing. Finally they might figure out that they have to turn back to the back of the bathroom to find one of the two fancy hand blow dryers. Wait 20 minutes til they can get over there and then fight their way back towards the exit. If you have a kid with you, which you do, they might need to step unto the clearly labeled “toddler step” in order to reach the sink. However, once there their tiny arms flail around like tiny pathetic pink tyrannosaurus arms trying to reach the faucet. They are doomed to fail. I’m 5’1″ and I can barely reach them.

The african hall is still good in that weird horrible way that giant hall of taxidermy can be.

The upstairs might be awesome but I’ve barely been up there so I’m not sure.

Also, I’m oddly disappointed in the gift shops. I might by a white alligator stuffy next time I go although now that I have written all this out i am not sure I will go again. Except that I jsut renewed my membership… So I will be going again.

The rainforest thing is neat if you can get there at a time when it is not crowded and so loud your eardrum might explode. So you walk up like 3 stories on this ramp looking at stuff and then you get shunted into an elevator that brings you down into the final crescendo of horrible loud confusing dark crowdedness that is the underwater swamp part. The clear tunnel is kind of neat but I’ll take a old not state of the art quiet museum over it anytime.

Fuck man. What is wrong with these people?!

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Here is a picture of Moomin making rabbit ears on Jack. I have no idea what is going on with Jack’s mouth in this picture but it is funny.

In totally unrelated and way less cute news… I have a new doctor and she adjusted my meds. not in dosage but the time I take them. She was like, “You are doing it ALL WRONG” in a thick Russian accent. Then she proceeded to ask me all these questions about my mental health that made me feel like a total failure as a depressed crazy person.

Her: Do you wash your hands repeatedly? me: NOPE. her: Are you sure? Do you worry about germs? me: NO! Her: are you SUUUUURE?
Her: so you quit your job? Me: youbetcha! Her: Were you angry? was there yelling? Me: um. No! wtf! I sent my manager an email and then walked over and waved and then spent the rest of the day trash talking with my coworkers and getting wasted. surely that’s totally normal…

She told me I probably have Dysthymia and am doomed to low grade depression for my whole life unless I descend into a major depression that isn’t quite so close to poor little rich girl syndrome.

My whole point here is to say that just switching WHEN I was taking my meds has me all weird and having side effects like I am just starting. I’m all nervous and twitchy and lip bite-y. And doesn’t that seem weird?

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Aladdin Thank you Disney for falling in line with and perpetuating Rape Culture. And by thank you I actually mean fuck you.

Jasmine (the only female character besides a few women seen primping in the harem and lusting after Aladdin) is treated to a nonstop parade of asshats that want to marry her, the assumption here is that she MUST marry a man (up with lesbian princesses now!). She clearly and repeatedly states that she does not want to marry until she experiences more of the world and yet she is continually bombarded with people insisting that she marry. At one point in the movie the evil wizard uses magic to place her in shackles and transform her outfit to be very skimpy. He then hits her in the face and declares that she will marry him. In the end she marries Aladdin EVEN THOUGH she still has not achieved her goal of experiencing more of the world, unless you count one shitty magic carpet ride as seeing the world.
FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL

Smurfs
wtf? Really, what is RIGHT with the smurfs? The whole show reeks from the get go. 99 boy smurfs and 1 girl smurf who isn’t even really a smurf until Papa Smurf fixes her with magic? There is one creepy episode where all the smurfs are trying to marry her INCLUDING Papa Smurf…Great, way to use your position of authority Papa. EW. Eventually she is forced to leave the village to get away from their importune advances and finally tries to placate them by saying that she can’t decide because she loves them all equally…

Back away slowly Smurfette, very slowly….

FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL FAIL

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In Kiki’s Delivery Service you have Kiki, the shop woman and the artist woman as the three main female characters. Both adult females act as friends and mentors for Kiki. There is a peripheral female kid character who is scornful of Kiki and the young scornful witch female from the beginning of the movie as she is flying to her new town.

In Totoro there is Mei and Satsuki, two sisters aged about 5 and 10 and they behave like pretty normal siblings and have some fun adventures. Oh, plus the grandmother.

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The main female characters are Elasti girl, her daughter, Edna Mode and the evil henchwoman. So we have a mother daughter relationship, a jealousy relationship and a relationship between a housewife former professional super hero and an old collegue / friend.

Where are Elasi Girl’s old super hero buddies? Why isn’t she out with them having girls’ night out and talking about the good old days and how if a baby pukes on them one more time they will go insane? Instead we have the man bored by his boring job, going out with old super hero buddies to discuss the good old days and sneaking around doing pissant hero work. Then he is recruited for meaningful hero work by a sexy woman who flirts with him, he gains confidence and gets in shape and is happy but is only able to do all of this while lieing to his wife.

Why, in the end, does the daughter gain confidence only to be able to look a boy in the eye and help him ask her for a date while the brother gains confidence to compete and win at sports?

Why does the evil henchwoman go soft when she A. realizes there are children involved and B. when she sees how much Mr Incredible is willing to sacrafice for his loved ones?

All the interactions between Elasti Girl and Edna Mode are about a man.

Peter Pan
Wendy: is brought to island to be mother figure in which role she scolds and comforts. Tries to be nice to Tinkerbell who is jealous and hostile. Is jealous of Tigerlily’s interactions with Peter.
Tigerlily: does not interact with other females. is apparently, as a representative of all indian maids, the reason the red man is red. She is so hot that they turn red…
Tinkerbell: we first see her inspecting her hips and worrying that they are too big. She is then jealous and hostile to wendy, even endangering wendy’s life because of jealousy.

Cars
female car love interest. end of story.

Up
Wife: is DEAD the whole movie but we get some flashback back story. We first see her as a fun, adventurous kid with dreams and drive and creativity. She grows up, gets married and is sad she cant have kids. She never gets to realize any of her dreams. She ends up being the driving force for fun and interesting things in her marriage. Then she dies. her sad story is used as a tearjerker for movie goers.
Bird: mistaken for male. is hunted and harassed to the point where she can not care for her children and must be rescued.

Fail, fail, fail and fail.

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I’m just wondering what in the world people are thinking when they came up with this and then what they are thinking when they purchase them.

Golly gee, thank god I no longer have to wield a knife in order to consume sliced apples!
Pheew! no longer do I have to open my mouth wide enough to take a bit of a full sized apple!

Just buy an apple FFS.

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Dear Jack, Do not model yourself on your mom’s behavior. Thanks. Love, Mom

My kid is only 2 which means that I’ve only been a mom for 2 years which means that I was not quite prepared to act appropriately. I thought I was doing it right up until the moment when I realized that no one had ever been mean in this way to my kid before and suddenly the snotty little bitch girl behavior just GOT TO ME.

So Jack and I are hanging around the public gardens. We walked in to the community garden part and there was a mom with her two little girls and Jack went over to investigate them and the mom told me the smallest girl was 2.5. At some point the two girls sat on a bench (where I had just been sitting not 2 seconds before) and Jack went over and wanted to get up on it too. And the littlest girl started screaming in his face, “GO AWAY WE DO NOT WANT YOU GO AWAY”. So I was kinda like, “well, maybe they will work it out” and so I did not interfere. But the little one kept doing it and the bigger one joined in! The other mom sort of half assedly said, “why don’t you let him stay” and then I said, “yeah you can pretend he the noble steed of the castle” but still the yelling! and then she (the littlest one) pushed him off the bench! and then he hit her in the face!

So I pick Jack up at this point and say “well y’all have decided this is a girls only castle huh? I guess we will just leave”. And the girls say, ” “Good because we don’t want you here”. And the mom is just standing there like a jackass and this is where I lose it and in my most horrid snotty little girl voice with my face squished up, head tilted, “well, your games are BORING and we don’t want to play with you ANYWAY!”

So we walk away and the girls are still screaming at him! still! and so I screamed back about how they were boring and jerks. Yes. that’s right. I called them jerks. That last horrible “good we don’t want you here” just really really pushed my buttons. One, it was spoken to me AND my kid and to have someone’s little shitty 5 year old be rude to me that way…and to have that parent let their kid be that rude to to a grown up with out saying anything… hmmm.

But anyway! Maybe I should have swooped him up and left right away? But it was a public garden and how could I know they would be quite so horrible?! And we were walking there! Enjoying ourselves! and Jack had just spent 15 minutes playing with a nice little girl over by the rock fountain!

So, I don’t think that all little kids have to play together all the time and I don’t think that parents have to intervene to make kids be nice to each other. OR DO I? Now I am not sure. That mom let her kids be total assholes and she absolutely should have jumped in and told them not to be assholes. I’m still so mad!

I want to know what other people think. Am I just an annoying california hippy parent? Well, the answer to that is that I am half hippy half total jerk who stoops to a 2.5 yr olds level and then ups it by calling them jerks. omg.

Dear Me, Please please do not ever do that again. Love, Me

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I made a blurb book and it turned out AWESOME. I love it! It’s like an actual book! It’s small and square, hardcover, with a dust jacket and is about 100 pages of all full color photographs (some text), is great quality and cost about 30$. Well worth it, IMHO, for a book you will be ordering as a keepsake for yourself and family.

I’m feeling pretty grumpy right now. I’m PMSing hardcore. Once a month I become SO AGGRAVATED with EVERYTHING. Things that only mildly annoy me at other times become huge issues that make me stabby.

For instance, you know how everyone thinks their baby is totally awesome and cute and smart? I’m sure it is, but even if I love your baby and think it is perfect it is still a giant lumpy BLOB. So when you think MY BABY is a giant lumpy blob then welcome to the club, fuckwit. ALL BABIES are giant blobs unless you spend a lot of time with them. Talk about how great your baby is all you want but don’t then point out some other lady’s baby and whisper about how it seems like kind of a blob because I guarantee you that everyone thinks that about your baby as well.

Also, I swear I have been the recipient of no less than 3 fucking stupid junior high school moments in the past few weeks. OMFG! Grow up! I’m a little slow on the uptake sometimes like 10 minutes or a day later I’m all, “wtf just happened?! Did they really insinuate that? WHY?” In my hightened PMSy state I keep going back over the moments to try to figure them out instead of just forgetting about it.

I just read an article in Vim’s MIT magazine about a drug that they can give people that dims emotional memories. So they ask the person to recall them memory in detail and then give them this drug and the memory loses it’s emotional charge. They don’t forget it but it just no longer triggers an emotional response. To this I say, “DISTURBING!” Well, fuck, if soldiers get PSD we’ll just give them this drug and it won’t matter anymore! Go ahead rape somebody! the state will just give them this drug so that they won’t care enough to prosecute. OMG. But then also, If you’re incapacitated by emotional memories maybe it would be an okay thing… but still, EW!

Fish tacos, chocolate and bouncing on the trampoline with kids made me feel slightly better. As did some retail therapy. I got a cute black dress on sale, some underwear, some shampoo and some crap at IKEA.

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I have taken 46 thousand free boxes from you and will now painstakingly turn them inside out just so that I can turn the tables and screw you out of some money.

love,
Minnie

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